In Elizabeth Gilbert’s book, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear, she wrote, “Do you have the courage to bring forth the treasures that are hidden within you?” You may remember Elizabeth Gilbert as the woman who wrote Eat Pray Love. If you are like me and only saw the movie, you probably remember the story being about a beautiful women courageously trying to find herself, traveling to beautiful parts of the world to do so, hooking up with a dreamy man and living happily ever after. I think it was a Hollywood story mainly, I enjoyed it and I do think it was a courageous story, but the story I find most fascinating about Ms. Gilbert is that today, even though the Eat Pray Love story is over (she eventually got divorced), her story of courage continues. She has the courage to keep moving, to seek and protect her independence and, somehow, she manages to be more and more creative in her work and her life. I admire (and remember) her courage.

I think about this topic a lot: courage and creativity. In terms of courage, I wonder why some people have it, the ability to be courageous, while others seem to have none. I wonder if it’s like a muscle you have to build, strengthen and exercise it or if it’s more like eye color; we’re given what we are given through genes.

Courage has been something I have had since I was young, for as long as I can remember. I have a lot of fear, the same as everyone else, but for whatever reason I am courageous regardless of my fears. And trust me, my fears are probably way bigger than yours. I’m afraid of everything and everybody.

The courage to speak from a place of authenticity, or what I call my soul, hasn’t come easily despite a natural instinct to move that way. It has taken a lot of time to become one with my inner voice and spirit and it’s definitely not a constant in my life, but I can, connect to my courage at any given moment, like connecting to my breath. That connection allows me to feel hope- hope that whatever suffering I am experiencing or moving through or afraid of, I can survive it and learn from it. I can grow through my courage.

I often see this courage reflected in my culinary artistry. I can see that when I just let go and trust my courage to unravel my wild culinary ideas, ideas that often have no validity according to the “knowledgeable” culinary people, my work/my food is exceptional.

I knew as a child that my ideas had validity simply because they were mine.  I don’t know why I had this, does every child? Even under some horrible circumstances I experienced as a child I have the courage to trust myself. I know that is rare for a young girl, especially considering the issues that encircled my young life.  Somehow as adults we get separated from this knowing. Even those of us who were incredibly brave children begin to lose courage. It takes considerable amount of work to keep the courage inside of us.

I think one of the byproducts of courage can be loneliness.  Often, we are courageous when we go against the grain or what is essentially conformity. Conformity can offer solace in that we are not alone. But it can also create agonizing torture, as our beings, I think, know only how to be who we are. So, we can go against the grain of conformity or go against our true selves. I don’t know if there is a lot of room for in-between. I’m still wading through the ideas of it all.

But loneliness I have found, if we are truthful about it, is what we all often feel. The best I can tell, and I’ve been battling it since I was a child, seems to be the simple call of your being to connect more deeply with its self. From there, I think, is where we can also fully connect with others and where true and pure vulnerability is possible. Ironically, it seems, the less we need, the more we connect. Of course, I’m not talking some life of solitude is the answer. We all need people, affection, touch, exchanges of ideas, and it’s true that a strong network of people can help us be more courageous.

I think a lot lately about people close to me who are dealing with some of life’s greatest challenges –addictions, death of a spouse, abusive relationships, toxic work environments, health issues, divorce, child custody, blended families – all pummeled with fear and each either demonstrating courage or stagnancy in the fear. I wonder what it is we can do to help the ones who lack courage? How do we foster courage? More in ourselves and more in those we care about.  This is a question on my mind, that somehow always leads me back to the importance of courageously being me. That somehow this helps us all.

This holiday weekend, as most the others around me are out boating, BBQ’ing and drinking to what they believe is their patriotism, I sit alone again, writing this, feeling deeply connected to myself. I know that with conformity creativity is stifled and so there is a part of me that knows that I am often alone because creativity is more important to me, to me being my authentic self. I feel vulnerable sharing that fact here and now, projecting that it means on some level there is something wrong with me compared to others, but the truth is, regardless of the fact that it scares me deeply that I am this way, I know this is who I am. I know that only by accepting it will I truly be free. Having courage in a world where I feel different seems important to feeling love, joy, peace… all things I feel often.

The pursuit of possibility rather than conformity has always been my path. I have been blessed not with an easy life, but with a lot of courage. Do I think I am better for this? I don’t think it matters and I don’t think that way really. I think more about the fact that all I can be in this world is me and thank God that is the path I have mostly stayed on.

My life of courage and risk taking, questioning everything, is reflected deeply these days in my culinary works. I do believe art not only imitates life, but expands it. I used to be more hesitant, but I think with age and experience has come a solid clarity in my abilities around a kitchen. I no longer worry too much what this chef friend or that chef friend will think of my method or skills. I let myself go in the kitchen. My creativity these days is everywhere in my life and especially dominant in my new recipes and even new kitchen sills and growth oriented development/undertakings.

I had the courage to bring forth the treasures that were hidden inside me and I, like Elizabeth Gilbert, have figured out how to courageously bring them out time and time again, despite the knock downs and setbacks. I do it fearfully, but I do it anyhow.

The kitchen is the one place these days I seem have no fears, I like it there, it feels good, natural; correct for me to be there. Working or playing with my ideas brings me incredible joy.

I am currently straight off a big high of executing a bunch of new ideas and courageously taking on one of the most contentious summer cooking subjects- the BBQ and specifically smoking meat for the work I do with Crespo Organic mangoes and our Summer Mango Mania #MuchosMangoes campaign.

Now, no stranger to doing these I don’t know how to do, I didn’t wince thinking about whether or not I could pull off smoked meat successfully. I don’t tend to be afraid of failing in life (maybe that’s part of courage.) I had some skills, I smoked on my gas grill, which I think is easier because the heat is simple to maintain and the STALL (google it) doesn’t seem to make an entrance. But the final product doesn’t taste the same at all, there is something about the work put into smoking on charcoal/wood that you can taste.

I of course rarely do anything like anyone else does. I have never really seen many BBQ recipes that are filled with herbs in every step.  I started the project because I bought a sweet new BBQ/grill. Smoker, charcoal and gas combo number- I love it!

From there I thought I’d utilize mangoes, for marketing purposes ( do some live stuff for Crespo) but also because I really believe in the meat tenderizing enzymes of mangoes. Like most of my kitchen endeavors I just create like it was already inside of me – triggered by some outside force. The end result for the main recipe in this post Mango Peach Pulled Pork (Smoked) was herbaceous from the inside out and nothing like most pit masters create. Some Kansas city friends (they know BBQ right?) said it was the best they’d ever had and asked what I did, I jokingly said, “well I put more than just the macho man salt on it that most recipes call for and considered the endeavor before I cooked it to be as important as the smoking portion”, something I rarely see or taste in BBQ. I only wish I had some old rosemary bushes, I would have added those to the fire for one last herbal smoke infusion into my final meat.

These recipes are the result of my courageous effort learn new kitchen skills and develop new recipes that with less conformity and more creativity. I unlocked the BBQ treasures hidden deep inside me and, guess what, they were totally herb centric and unbelievably delicious.

Be brave, creative and non-conformist. You may just teach people that different tastes great, too!  One person’s courage, may just inspire another’s.

I’m ready to enter pit master competitions, sign me up!

Mango-Peach Basil Elixir

Makes 1 pitcher

There is nothing better than a refreshing beverage on a hot day. And booze is simply NOT refreshing, ever.  Most booze free drinks are ridiculously sweet and has no depth. Right before this summer I started to think about drinking and despite my love of making cocktails I wanted to cut back, Missouri had me drinking too much and I needed to make some changes. I eventually got bored with sparkling water and when I ran across the book Gazoz: The Art of Making Seasonal Sparkling Drinks, I discovered an entirely new option to my fruit, herb and spice syrups by letting them slightly ferment. I hate overly fermented tastes like kambucha but I found that slightly fermented fruit syrups have extreme depth, more like a well-crafted cocktail.

This recipe is a sneak peek into the series of these nonalcoholic lightly fermented fruit and herb drink recipes that is currently unraveling from within me. That  series/story will expose more vulnerability in my own drinking and how this fermented magic really came about.

Essentially my favorite thing about these basic recipes is that your creativity creates it. But we have to start somewhere, like me in my modern dance class years ago before I had moves, I simply copied the other women. So, if you need to copy this recipe is good, but I recommend you create by way of your courage- just play.

Ingredients

1 mango, cubed and mashed up
2 peaches, cubed and mashed up
¾ cup sugar
2 teaspoons freshly gated ginger
2 big handfuls of basil leaves
1 teaspoon cracked white pepper
¼ teaspoon sumac
2 meyer lemons, sliced (peels and all)
Juice and zest of 1 orange
2 Boiling water
2 cups coconut water
2 cups sparkling water

Directions

Place everything in a quart sized mason jar with a lid. Shake well and set on your counter. Leave on your counter for 4-7 days.  Open the jar daily to release any gases and then shake up to mix up the items. Depending on the temperature of your kitchen it can take up to 7 days to get a good light ferment. My kitchen is cold so it takes longer.

Once the fermentation tastes good to you, taste a peach piece or a mango to be sure. Add 2 cups boiling water to the mason jar and stir up well. This helps dissolve any sugars that haven’t dissolved yet.  Let it cool completely.

Strain it through a fine mesh strainer, pushing on all the peaches and mangoes and citrus segments, extracting all juices from them. Discard the solids. Add the syrup to a pitcher filled half way with ice. Add the coconut water and sparkling water and stir.

My Coleslaw Is Weirder than Yours

Serves 6-8

When I think of side dishes for BBQ, I like others think of coleslaw. The richness of the smoked meat and the tanginess of BBQ sauce craves a creamy compliment. Most coleslaws take that craving and ruin it for me. Often too sweet, too much mayonnaise and lacking in texture, definition and most of all depth of flavor. My coleslaw (this one) has a few different vegetable components for texture and had a lighter, less sweet dressing. I use Napa cabbage in this one, because I like the green outer parts and dull yellow innards creating a contrast of cabbage flavor, which I love. Fresh mint gives it a fresh feel and radish gives it a little bite that compliments the meat further.  The general concept of that the meat needs not just creamy but freshness. It’s super easy to put together. I season it with the Tropical BBQ Salt below and I recommend you do the same.

Ingredients

2 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons boiling hot water
3 tablespoons white balsamic vinegar
½ – ¾ cup mayonnaise (personal preference here)
1 teaspoon cracked black pepper
1 teaspoon salt or 2 teaspoons Tropical BBQ Salt
5 cups shredded Napa cabbage
2 cups shredded red cabbage
2 medium carrots, shredded (I love the red ones for color)
4 mini bell peppers, sliced thin
5 radishes, sliced thin
3-4 green onions, sliced thin
1 serrano chili pepper sliced thin
1 cup fresh peas, cooked and chilled (optional)
¼ cup mint leaves, chopped fine

Directions

Whisk together the sugar and boiling water in a small bowl until total dissolved. Add the vinegar, mayo, pepper and salt and whisk until creamy.

Toss together all remaining ingredients in a large bowl and mix thoroughly. Drizzle most of the dressing over the top and fold and mix until all of the slaw items are coated in the dressing evenly. Add the remaining dressing if desired.

Mango BBQ Sauce

Makes about 3 cups

This is a general BBQ sauce base that was developed for Crespo Organic. It works incredibly well on all things that you grill with sauce on: chicken, beef and pork, as well as vegetables and fruits. It’s a BBQ sauce, so it’s intended to be used for cooking things on the grill. This is not a finishing sauce, but it can be used a base for your favorite finishing sauces.
Ingredients

1 large ripe mango, peeled and chopped
1-2 tablespoons chopped fresh sage
½ cup chopped yellow onion
2 cloves garlic
¼ cup brown sugar or raw sugar
1 tablespoon salt
1 tablespoon black pepper
1 tablespoon cumin powder
½ tablespoon paprika (smoked preferably)
2 teaspoons smoked salt or 1 tablespoon liquid smoke (optional but recommended)
½ can chipotle peppers packed in adobo sauce (1 whole can for spicier sauce)
2–8-ounce cans plain tomato sauce
Juice and zest of 1 lime

Directions

Combine all ingredients in a blender and blend until smooth. Use for BBQ ribs, hamburgers, pulled pork, and chicken.

Tropical BBQ (Herb) Salt

Makes about 2 cups

This is a great salt for the summer, not just on meats and BBQ’d items. It works on a medley of seasonal summer delights- a peach and burrata salad with a pinch of this is wonderful.
The theory behind the salt for BBQ purposes is to infuse deeper flavor of herbs, spices and even dried and fresh fruit into the meat so it’s that much more flavorful. I often find BBQ meats tastes plain or only like smoke. This herbal salt is my way of changing that flavor, making it my own. Putting my courage and creativity in it.

Use it liberally on meats as they come to room temperature and in your BBQ sauces and as a finishing salt. It’s everything you need for BBQ season.

You can make this without all my fancy ingredients. Just use what you have. The key is to use salt, fresh herbs and spice.

 Ingredients

2 teaspoons cracked black pepper
2 teaspoons cumin seeds
1 teaspoon cracked coriander
1 teaspoon cracked all spice berries
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
2 teaspoons urfta chilies
2 teaspoon Cabanero chili flakes
2 teaspoons smoked paprika
1 teaspoon garlic powder
2 teaspoons orange zest
1 teaspoon lime zest
1 teaspoon lemon zest
2 tablespoons super finely chopped dried mango
1 tablespoon super finely chopped dried chipotle pepper
2-3 super finely chopped dried citrus wheels (optional)
3 tablespoons super finely chopped sage leaves
1 tablespoon super finely chopped fresh mint leaves
1 tablespoon super finely chopped chives
1 tablespoon super finely chopped rosemary leaves
2 tablespoons super finely chopped summer savory leaves
2 tablespoons super finely chopped lemon thyme leaves
4-5 nasturtium flowers, chopped super finely
3 tablespoons smoked Maldon salt
1 ¼ cup Maldon salt

Directions

Preheat oven to 250°F.
Mix together all of the fresh herbs, spices, dried fruit and zest in a medium mixing bowl. Gently fold in the salts. Use your fingers to mix well, making sure the herbs and spices are well incorporated into the salt. Spread the salt-herb mix evenly and flat across a baking sheet covered with parchment paper. Place sheet in the oven and bake until the herbs seem to have lost their moisture, about 20- 25 minutes. Turn the oven off and leave in the oven for ten more minutes. Cool and store in a glass jar for up to two months!

Smoky Mango Hot Juice

Makes 2 ½ cups

This is kind of like a thin mop sauce  I designed to add moisture while the meat is cooking, specifically long cooking items like chicken or smoked items. It not only moisturizes but it adds extra heat to the outside of the BBQ’d items. I love this on BBQ chicken and use it for smoking meats. The moisture attracts smoke to whatever you are cooking so it’s a good way to add more heat and smoke while grilling or smoking. I think I’m going to love this on smoked ham.

Basically, you use the sauce to baste whatever you are grilling or BBQ’ing; use it before you flip, for things like steak. It’s a great juice for injecting into big pork butts, too!

Ingredients

¼ – ½ teaspoon chopped fire roasted habanero pepper
½ cup fresh orange juice
½ cup fresh lime juice
½ cup mango nectar (very thin mango puree)
½ cup white balsamic vinegar
¼ cup brown sugar
2 teaspoons smoked alder salt
1 teaspoon smoked paprika
1 teaspoon cumin
½ teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons smoked oak water or 1 teaspoon liquid smoke

Directions

Add all the ingredients to blender and blend for about 45 seconds. Strain immediately with cheese cloth or a wire mesh strainer. Discards the solids and bottle and refrigerate liquid for up to two months.

Mango Habanero Peach BBQ Wet Rub

Makes about 2 cups

The enzymes in mangoes tenderize meats, which makes mango puree the perfect ingredient for a wet rub. I love the grittier nature of a wet rub, especially since I’m not a gigantic fan of tomato flavored BBQ sauces. I feel like a wet rub is more perfect for grilling. I like this recipe on BBQ ribs and smoked pork butt, but it also is fantastic on chicken wings. I would say this is the secret to my flavor that my Kansas city friends noticed.

The peaches give it a nice summery flavor that mingles well with the spicy habanero aspect.

Ingredients

1 mango, cubed
1 peach, cubed
½ yellow onion, chopped
1 habanero pepper, charred
2 gloves garlic
1 tablespoon freshly grated ginger
2 tablespoons brown sugar
1 tablespoon honey
Zest of 1 lemon
Juice of 2 lemons
2 teaspoons garlic powder
1 teaspoon onion powder
2 teaspoons smoked paprika
½ teaspoon red chili flakes
1 teaspoon cumin
¼ teaspoon cinnamon
¼ teaspoon allspice
½ teaspoon cracked coriander
1 teaspoon cracked black pepper
1 teaspoon cracked white pepper
1 teaspoon ground mustard seeds
½ teaspoon ground mace
1 tablespoon smoked oak water
1 small handful cilantro leaves
1 teaspoon smoked salt
1 teaspoon salt

Directions

Blend all of the ingredients in a blender until pasty. Use to rub on meats before grilling, smoking and roasting.

Mango & Peach Pulled Pork (Smoked)

Makes 1- 3 lb. pork but

 The end result of this recipe is a succulent fall apart pulled pork that tastes like tropical summer peaches that leaves your lips slightly tingle from the habanero heat. In my mind if I am going to invest in smoking something for hours and hours. I go all out in the flavoring of said meat, so my recommendation is not to skip the Tropical BBQ Salt or Mango Habanero Peach BBQ Wet Rub. You will just have some meat when you could have an extravaganza in your mouth!

Ingredients

1 3 lb. pork butt
¼ cup Tropical BBQ Salt
2 cups Mango Habanero Peach BBQ Wet Rub
Tropical Hot Juice (or water diluted with vinegar)

Directions

Season the pork butt with the BBQ salt, and then rub it liberally all over with the wet rub. Let the pork butt sit covered and refrigerated for 48 hours.

Remove from the refrigerator and let the butt come to room temperature about 4 hours.

Prepare your smoker and prep to about 250°F.

• Smoke for about 3-4 hours at 250°F.
• After the 4 hours, use the Tropical Hot Juice to moisten the pork- not too much, just wetting the pork down, using a BBQ mop. Do these every 30 minutes until the internal temperature of the pork reaches about 165-170°F.
• Continue to maintain the 250°F temperature.
• Wrap the pork in aluminum foil and put back in the smoker and continue to smoke at 250°F until the internal reading of the pork reaches to about 200°F. It should be soft like butter when probed.
• The entire process should take about 8-10 hours for a 3-4 lb. piece of pork, but the temperatures dictate the time. It can take longer (google the BBQ Stall)
• Remove the pork and let rest for about an hour.
• Pull the pork apart using tongs or a few forks.

Serves this as is or on a bun with My Coleslaw is Weirder Than Yours. Keep it simple, which I know is laughable coming from me.

St Luis Style Mango Habanero Peach Ribs

Makes 3 ½ cups of sauce

The key to good ribs is the pre-roast. You can roast them at night when it’s cool, turn the oven off and leave them in overnight, grill them up the next day. I’m going to try and smoke them too, so maybe I’ll change my mind on the secret after that.

A good BBQ sauce is a must with ribs, and I like mine to taste like real ingredients. This one sops up the Crespo general BBQ sauce with peaches, ginger and herbs and it’s delightful on the fall-off-the-bone ribs.

Ingredients

For the BBQ sauce:
2 cups of Crespo Mango BBQ Sauce – regular recipe
1 habanero chili pepper
1/2 yellow onion
4 gloves garlic
1 tablespoon freshly grated ginger
½ cup very ripe and sweet mangoes, chopped
½ cup very ripe and sweet peaches, chopped
2 tablespoons chopped fresh Pineapple sage or sage leaves
1 teaspoons alder smoked salt
2 dried oranges or 2 teaspoons zest
¼ cup brown sugar
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon cracked white pepper
1 teaspoon cracked black pepper
1 teaspoon smoked paprika
1 teaspoon ground cumin
½ teaspoon ground turmeric
½ teaspoon cobanero chili flakes
¼ cup white balsamic vinegar
2 tablespoons olive oil
¾ cup water
1 tablespoon hot yellow mustard
¼ cup whiskey

For the ribs:
3-4 pounds St Luis style spare ribs
2 teaspoons salt
2 teaspoons orange zest
¼ cup honey balsamic vinegar or white balsamic vinegar

Directions

For the BBQ Sauce:

Pre-heat your oven to 425°F.

Combine the peppers, onions, garlic, ginger, mangoes, and peaches in a large mixing bowl. Add your dried citrus or zest, the fresh sage, all the spices and sugar. Add the vinegar and oil and mix until all the ingredients are combined and drenched in the spices and oil and vinegar. Lay the mixture flat on a lined baking sheet and place it in the oven to bake for about 25 minutes or until the peppers and onions are slightly charred but not burned.

Remove the pepper mixture from the oven and toss it into a blender. Add in the hot water, mustard and whiskey and blend until totally smooth. Refrigerate until use. You can also freeze some of the BBQ sauce for future use at this stage, since the recipe yields quite a bit.

For the ribs:

Pre-heat your oven to 325°F.

Season the rack of ribs on both sides with the salt and orange zest, making sure you rub it in to the rib crevices. Sprinkle the vinegar all over both sides as well. Bake for about 2 ½ hours or until the meat is super tender. Cool.

Heat your grill to medium high heat. Slather about 1 ½ cup of sauce all over both sides of the ribs, making sure the sauce is evenly coated. Place onto the hot grill and cook over medium high heat about 3-5 minutes per side or until charred but not overly burnt.

If you are going to serve sauce on the side, I recommend simmering the sauce for 20 minutes before serving, allowing the whiskey to cook out a bit.